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growing up

My poor boy is upset. The almost 5yo is growing up too fast. The way he talks, the way he behaves. Its so cute but so fascinating to watch this little boy developing into a ‘big boy’. Very privileged to have the opportunity to observe this development.

I also find it fascinating how people have different parenting styles or how my friends, none of whom have kids yet, view children. Fascinating human behaviour.

We were over at a friends house a few weeks ago. They are a young couple looking to start a family soon. The funny thing is, they live in the most impractical house you can possibly imagine. Expensive, massive house that would be perfect for a couple with older kids, but for a young couple, impractical.

I think my experience with the boys, especially the younger one, has taught me to just relax and chill out about small things. Mess is a mess is a mess. No biggie. Kids will be kids. I’ve always had this attitude before I met my partner that *MY* kids would be well behaved. Never swear, never create a mess, never touch couch with dirty hands and never ever be anything but perfect little angels.

HA!

I think what I learnt is that being fun police is no fun at all. I’d rather boys play than sit still. Yes, they still have to clean up their mess and do chores etc, but I think I didn’t realise the importance of having fun and mucking around till just recently.

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On Saturday night we  went to a bday get-together at a friend of mines. One of the girls there was a good friend of mine  (lets call her CM) and in December, I’m going to be one of her bridesmaids. Very happy for her and for her partner.

Anyways, meeting up with CM left me with a somewhat bitter taste in my mouth. She has a stepmother who is rather disagreeble. or in othe words, there is no love lost there. Tthe stepmother has been in CM’s life for over a decade.

From that conversation, something began to niggle. What sort of stepmother will *i* be for the boys? What will they think of me in the future, once they are a bit older? Will i be seen as the one the ‘stole’ their dad, or the one that was their friend and dad’s new partner?

I dont think there are any easy answers. I dont have kids of my own, so i’m quite aware that as much as I love these boys, the love that their mum and dad have for them is much deeper, more profound that what i will ever have for them. I wasn’t there for their first steps, for their first words.

I’d love to say that I’m never frustrated. That I never feel like I’m out of the loop. That I never want to just sit on the couch and watch what I want on the telly.

The fact is, sometimes I’m overwhelmed. I didn’t have 9 months to prepare myself to become a parent.  I don’t know all the facts and figures.

But I love the boys. I love it when they come to me with questions, be it with homework or just everyday, small things. I love it when the little one runs up to me with arms wide open and screaming my name. I love it when he comes over just for a cuddle and a kiss and tells me that he missed me. I love it that I have corrupted him with girly music and books!! I love when he wants to snuggle up in bed (bad habit, I know).

I notice the way people look at me when I’m out with the little one. I feel the stares of being ‘young mother’. I see people openly stare when I’m out with the little one and one of the older boys. I love watching people try to figure out the family dynamic.

The thing is, I don’t know if I’d feel this strongly about my partner if he didn’t have the boys. I don’t know whether we would have developed this bond, this love. Love is never straightforward, never simple. So this is us trying live our life. Flawed yes, but still ours.

today

first ever blog post. my god im such a technophobe. i’ll try to figure out how to upload background etc at some stage… readdy, a complete begginer here!

i was inspired by other bloggers who have the courage to share their stories and their inspirations with the rest of the world.

for me, i need an outlet, somewhere to put my thoughts down on ‘paper’.

my story pales in comparison to others i have read, including this one http://www.mattlogelin.com/.

i’m 28, living in sometimes sunny melbourne, australia and just enjoying life. i recently bought a house that looked like a bit of a dump to begin with.

before the renovations...

Looks great, huh?

Well with some help from very dear friends and family, but most of all, from my partner, the house looks much much better now (no photos for some reason… must rectify that ASAP).

So, we live in this house, with our dog, lily , who is a bit of a mutt and a cross of everything and anything. Some days/night’s we also have my partner’s boys (3!!) stay over.

oh the carefree life!! bones and toys....

oh the carefree life!! bones and toys....

And so i think this is what the blog is all about. The transition from a carefree 27 year old, into the role of a partner/fiance, home owner, but mainly, that of a step mum.

I dont have any horror stories. Yet 😀

The boys a brilliant. I’m sure my love for them pales in comparison to that of their flesh and blood parents, but i love these boys with all my hear. Or at least, as much as you can love 2 teenage boys going through puberty. The other one, is soon to be 5, so challenges there are a whole lot different.

The road, or more like a journey that our little weird family is on is not easy. Different backgrounds and experiences can look and feel completely alien. But somehow we try to make it work. Love conquers all, some say. May be it does, but for over a year now, we’re taking it one day at a time. Still learning about each other. Still falling in love. Still driving each other mad.